Saturday, July 1, 2017
We shouldn't settle with too little when we could experience our magnitude.
A little further in the same chapter Jesus says, "I asked you earlier, 'Would you be hostage to the ego or host to God.'" T-15.III.5:1
One of the famous verses in the New Testament is the one in Matthew 16:15 where Jesus asks His disciples "Who do you say I am?"
Deep down we all feel defective and inadequate in some way. Our biggest fear is that we are little, small, unworthy. This generates, usually unconsciously, a feeling of shame. We are embarrassed and live with anxiety about being found out, judged, rejected, and abandoned.
It is this deep, innate, sense of inadequacy and defectiveness, which creates our human problems as we try to cover it up, hide it, and attack others before they attack us.
If this entity of defectiveness and inadequacy is who we are afraid we are, we diminish ourselves and don't understand that we are loved unconditionally by the source of our being. We have chosen our defectiveness and inadequacy by separating ourselves from our divine source thinking that we can do things on our own only to discover, as is taught in Alcoholics Anonymous in the first step, that our lives are unmanageable and that we have to turn our life over to our Higher Power and follow God's will not our own.
Patty told me several times over the course of our weekly meetings for six months that she didn't love her husband because he didn't love her but some other woman he had told her he would rather be with. Patty had left for a while with the kids, but finally went back home where her husband continued to pay the bills. He had gone to live with his mother but slowly over several weeks he moved back in after spending a few nights with Patty. He said he cared about the kids but couldn't make a commitment to her and this made Patty, she reported, angry, sad, and confused.
I teased her and said, "Why? What's not to love? You are a good person."
She smiled at me shyly as if she couldn't or wouldn't accept that she could be loved by her husband. She was competitive, jealous, and hateful of this other woman whom she believed her husband loved more than her even though his actions didn't seem to match completely her worse fears.
I said to Patty, "If you don't love yourself, it's hard to believe that he could love you and if you think he does, it is only a matter of time before he becomes disillusioned and disappointed and leaves you for someone else."
She looked at me with a perplexed look and said, "You think I am the one with the problem?"
I said, "No, it's a problem for the whole family because it affects everyone in the family and friends as well, but the only person you can ultimately control and take responsibility for is yourself and I don't think you have a good appreciation of who you really are."
Patty started to weep and I said, "What ever makes you cry, let's talk about in our next meeting."
A Course In Miracles says that we accept too little when we should only accept our magnitude. We are, after all, children of God, and bringing our will into conjunction with God's will for us, we become an unbeatable, unstoppable, glorious dynamic duo with our Creator.